Poker? I Hardly Know Her
The wife and I hosted a little poker tournament this past weekend. Nothing huge, just a little no limit hold 'em $10 buy in with a maximum of 1 rebuy within the first four blind levels. The first three spots paid out with first getting $145. We've attended a couple of these and have hosted/attended quite a few low limit dealer's choice games as well.
Typically for any little get-together like this, we like to use evite to manage things. It is quite the handy little web app. We restricted this particular event to 20 people since we've never really had that many people in the house at the same time (except for that key party we hosted, but that was different). Providing food and beverages for 20 people seemed like it was going to be a pain in the ass, so I tried to phrase the evite so as to encourage people to bring their own refreshments. The text in question read:
I'll be providing some snacks (primarily chips and cake) and a couple of varieties of soda (no Dr. Pepper, since that's mine). However, you are encouraged to bring anything you want, particularly your own beverages.
Of course, someone inevitably asks, "So, what are you guys going to serve?" That, coupled with the fact that we had people on the waiting list, prompted me to send this email:
The tournament is this Saturday. If you have accepted and have changed your mind or are unable to attend, please change your reply to "No" and give someone else a chance to accept as there are people on the waiting list.If you still plan on attending, please be reminded that there will be no buffet. I will be providing very little in the way of snacks (probably 1 Frito and 2 Doritos per person). While there will be a little soda, you are reminded that it will not be enough. When we run out, you are more than welcome to drink from the water hose out back.
I've edited the evite and added some items you may bring if you wish. I did this to help avoid too many duplicate items. You are more than welcome to bring whatever you like and are under no obligation to bring anything (other than your money) if you don't feel like it. You are also under to obligation to share.
Of course, two shitheads (one of which was the one that asked the original question) took it upon themselves to respond in this way:
Thanks for the reminder! We are planning to be there and looking forward to it! The pics of the poker table look totally fabulous! You & Lisa did a great job and are quite the craftsmen! Now, I know its hard to come across funny over email and I am sure that is what you were trying to do, but I wanted to say that I felt it sounded obnoxious and derogatory and I know you aren't like that.Just letting you know that the email may have come across poorly. There are nicer ways to let folks know you aren't planning a big food shindig and want us to bring our own stuff. We are definitely planning to bring some sodas, maybe some alcholic beverages and some snacks. Would it be ok to bring an ice chest?
Huh? Of course, that pisses me off. Nevermind the fact that I find it inconceivable that someone could be too stupid to get that the reminder was intended to be a funny way of letting people know they need to bring their own food. Are there really people that live in some fantasy land where they're going to grade my email? And what better way to make your point eloquently than to toss out the words "obnoxious" and "derogatory"? Those aren't loaded at all. I'm further bothered by the fake ass nature of the email. Start with the ass kiss, stick a fuck you in the middle, and end in a question–you know, to show that we're still communicating.
This is exactly how people wind up in jail. Some well intentioned person like myself throws out the har har email to a group and some douche bags with shit for wits decide to pull my string. Then the Thunder Lizard comes to life and has to beat someone to death with a car jack. See you next Tuesday.
Leave a Reply